He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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