A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
