i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
