I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
