How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
