big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
