At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
