I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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