Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
