All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
