I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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