but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just tell him i said nine months
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
