It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
