she woke up with a sticky ear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
