i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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