I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
