I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
