I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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