how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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