3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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