i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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