i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
