I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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