my sisters under your porch take her home
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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