okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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