How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
