You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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