does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
