I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
