Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
