i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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