I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
