You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I miss vodka workout Fridays
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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