He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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