maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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