shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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