I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
