I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
