New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't deserve a penis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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