everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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