He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
