Your mouth is God's brothel.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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