One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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