What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
