Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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