One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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