all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
