I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
