Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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