I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
