around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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