Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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