Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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