So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize