She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
