i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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