Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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