peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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