i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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