I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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