His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
