I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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