Four minutes until I can fart!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
