So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize