I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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