do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
