3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
