Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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