chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
